The Grim's Memories
by wren540
Summary: "At one time I had friends, and at one time, I was loved. At one time I was happy… But that was a long time ago." Takes place during PoA, Sirius reflects on the memories of his childhood and school years as he makes his way to Hogwarts to find Peter. Marauder Era/Present Era, has JP/LE as well as some SB/RL
1. Chapter 1

Time was meaningless in Azkaban.

Days could be weeks and months could be hours. With no windows, day could be night, while night could be day. I spent the majority of my time pacing the small six by six cell thinking. Thinking about the life I had lived up until my imprisonment. The life that I yearned for. The life that I so hoped with my entire being had actually happened. As far as I knew, the outside world could have just been a figment of my imagination that I had created in my boredom. James, Lily, Remus… they might not actually exist. In my heart I knew that wasn't true, but that only made the pain worse. If they were real, then what had happened to them was just as real. James and Lily are dead, and nothing, nothing could bring them back. Yet it was nice to know that all of it was real, the happiness, the friendships, the laughs, the loves, and the pain… to me it proved that at one point in time, not every respectable witch and wizard despised the name Sirius Black. At one time I had friends, and at one time, I was loved. At one time I was happy… But that was a long time ago.

Happiness was also meaningless in Azkaban.

Just as my soul reached for a happy memory of laughs and a worm common room fire with James and Remus and Him, a dementor swooped past the cold bars of my cell. James' bright smile was replaced by a body lying on the ground in a charred house. Remus' sarcastic remark was replaced by untrusting, hate filled eyes. The cheery, innocent face of Him was replaced by harsh betrayal and an act of cowardice. And Harry, always Harry's screams for the parents I couldn't save. His cries filled my ears, filled my entire body. There was nowhere to run from the sound in my cell. I crouched on the floor, clamped hands over my ears in a vain attempt to block out the terror of a frightened one year old. The sound of guilt is the most oppressive of them all and it eats you to the core. For twelve years I had listened to it ceaselessly. It would make any human insane within a year or two. Unlike a normal human, I had ways of coping. Quickly I allowed by body to be covered in shaggy fur, sinking down on all fours and finally completing the transformation with a quick burst of heat the ricocheted through by body.

A dog has a simpler mind. They can't delve deep emotions such as guilt and pain, or happiness, so becoming one had its perks in its ability to resist the soul draining effect of living among the dementors. With a clawed paw, I scratched yet another line on the slick cell wall that I stayed in. According to my crude calendar, I had been in this hell hole for about twelve years and a couple months, assuming that I could tell the difference between night and day. In any case twelve years is a long time for one to think. As Padfoot, the time was more bearable and time could be passed in an easier sleep. In the beginning I had made the mistake of trying to sleep in human form. For weeks straight, nightmares during the night and hallucinations during the day plagued my mind. I could feel my mind deteriorating to something less than human. I didn't want to have to resort to becoming Padfoot. The shaggy dog belonged to another time, to another Sirius. Becoming Padfoot brought back memories of James and the others. Of the marauders, or what they used to be. The four of us against the world, back when we had our entire lives before us. If only we knew that a couple years from then could change everything. How immature teenagers could grow up so fast. Becoming Padfoot felt like I was betraying all of that, betraying James to protect myself as He had done. I could feel myself dying as a human, and that's why I had to give in. If I died, no one would know the truth. The truth that I, Sirius Black was innocent. I didn't kill James and Lily Potter. I didn't tear little Harry's world apart from the seams. The guilt I felt was allowing that to happen. One small choice that had done all that, a choice that was made by me. In any case, Padfoot was able to handle the torture much better than Sirius ever could.

Another perk of being able to turn into a dog was that there was slightly more room to move in the small cell. Curling up on the dirt floor, I rested my shaggy head on paws and listened to the anguished screams of my roommates. Each cell was six feet by six feet, with about a foot a foot of stone in between. The cells were lined in long rows with about twenty cells on each side of a dimly lit hall way. The hall way I was in was built in a way so that every sound, every scream, yell, or cry bounced and echoed. I was locked away with the high security inmates that committed treacherous crimes like the one I was committed of. Of course, the more treacherous the crime, the more guilt or fear is carried, the crazier the person gets, and the louder they sleep at night. After years of practice, I could block out most of the normal anguished screams in the darkness and was able to get what felt like a few hours of sleep.

What woke me up was the sound of people, sane people, speaking to each other rather than screeching. The last time I heard that was when I found out I was sentenced to a life sentence without a hearing by good old Barty Crouch. My thoughts drifted to that day, filled with horror.

_He cut his finger off and was gone, just like that. In a mad search I dropped to the ground, searching for Him wildly, but with no avail, He was gone without a trace. I got up shakily. I couldn't help it, the madness came bubbling out of me and I just stood there, laughing like a wild man. Laughing until my sides hurt, until I couldn't breathe, until I couldn't laugh anymore and I was sobbing instead. I drooped to the ground, head in hands sobbing uncontrollably. I could hear the muggle po-licey men or whatever they were called, but I found I didn't care much whether I was found or not. James and Lily were dead. Peter was gone. My one chance at stopping the madness had backfired on me and increased ten-fold. _

_Fudge reached me before the po-licey ever had a chance. A small chuckle bubbled through my lips when they took me. Fudge glared at me like I was crazy. Maybe I was, I wasn't really sure. There wasn't much to be sure of these days. With rough hands, two aurors gripped my arms tightly leading me away from the atrocious scene. A huge crevasse had torn through the city street. There were cars smoking in the crater, some impounded while others were flipped or impaled by sharp stones. Huge slabs of cement stuck up from the ground in odd angles. A particularly large slap was almost vertical, leaning against the edge of the crevasse. Telephone posts lay toppled at the bottom of the crate, their wires frayed and sparking. But the worst part was the bodies. Bodies everywhere, I the crater, hanging over the side of crushed under cars or cement. And the blood, the red the soaked through my shoes and made my feet squish up against the leather. The blood that soaked the cement a dark purplish color, and ran down the sides of the newly formed crater. With a harsh shove the aurors forced me to move forward just as the muggles began to arrive. I was about to protest but before I could get a word in, they apparated, taking me with them and replacing the London horror scene with a dark dingy room in the ministry. _

_With a sharp shove the beefy aurors shoved me into a hard wooden chair in the middle of the room. The chair faced a gorgeous mahogany desk that was decorated with thick government texts and various files with names of death eaters. By that time, something should have clicked for me. Anything telling me that I was in some serious trouble, yet nothing could prepare me for what happened next. Bartemius Crouch, walked tiredly into the room, and sat heavily into the great padded chair behind the desk. He shuffled a couple of the files before looking at me with an exhausted expression. _

"_Sirius Orion Black?" he questioned, picking up a file closest to him._

"_Yes." I responded_

"_Sirius Orion Black, aged twenty one, you were found at the crime scene earlier today that involved the deaths of both wizards and muggles. Can you explain what happened?" said Fudge with a set face._

_I sat up a little straighter in my chair, this was it. "Well Peter Pettigre-" _

"_Peter Pettigrew is dead." Interrupted Crouch_

"_Wait! He isn't dead he's-" I stuttered and stopped talking. If I explained why Peter was still alive, I'd basically be telling Crouch that I, as well as Peter and James were unregistered animangi. That would lead to questions of how we were able to perform that kind of magic, as well as why three teenagers decided to take the risk in the first place. By then, they'd be on to Remus and God knows, he already has enough to deal with. Also it would disgrace James. James, who had just given his life for his family. My best friend…. My brother…. I couldn't help it, I choked up. Fighting to get my emotions under control, I wiped my nose with my sleeve and snuffled again. Throughout all of this, Crouch remained impassive, the insensitive jerk. _

"_I'm sorry, I can't explain that." I said, swallowing my pride once and for all. _

_Crouch sighed and looked at me with a slight disappointment. "Sirius Orion Black." He said, drawing out my last name, causing me to flinch involuntarily. "You are hereby found guilty for the deaths of the wizards and muggles killed in the Magic explosion caused by dark magic in London on November 2, 1981. You are also found guilty for the deaths of James and Lily Potter in Godric Hollow on October 31, 1981, and are sentenced to a lifetime imprisonment in Azkaban for your actions." He said in a robotic voice. _

_I froze. I was responsible for the deaths of James and Lily? I wasn't even aware Crouch knew they existed. "James and Lily, but why?" I asked my voice cracking._

_Crouch glared down at me "According to Albus Dumbledore, the Potter's were protecting important material regarding the Order and the Dark Lord. You were their secret keeper at the time of their deaths; therefore you are the one to blame." He said as if trying to explain a simple concept to a child having a tantrum. I blanked. What could I say? I was not in fact, their secret keeper, Peter was. The 'special information' was their son Harry. It was a miracle that he had survived the attack. An attack by Voldemort none the less. In the meantime, the little boy had vanquished the dark lord while James' betrayer was free. This little chat with Crouch was infuriating. _

"_I was their secret keeper…" I said weakly…. It was my fault… everything was my fault. At that point everything came crashing on me. James and Lily were dead because of me. I was the reason that Harry was an orphan. I was just as much to blame as He was. I killed my brother. I vaguely remember Crouch talking to the aurors that had been standing near the door the whole while. They gripped my shoulders and lead me out the door and walked me on the sidewalk before apparating. _

_When my feet hit the ground, I found myself walking down a narrow walk with cliffs on both sides. The ocean could be heard splashing at the cliff walls far below. A thick fog obscured all that was in front of me until all that I could make out was a large shape. As we got closer I realized where I was. _

_Azkaban._

_I writhed and twisted moaning and trying my hardest to break free. To run. One of the aurors slapped me across the face and the other kicked me so that I fell hard on the cold ground. Gruffly they pulled me up my cloak and shoved me forward. What was I doing, trying to run. If the record was right, James had faced his death without fear. Attempted to give his wife more time and given his life. If he could be that brave, I should do the same. I got up, took a deep breath and walked steadily to my fate._

I've been here ever since.


	2. Chapter 2

I could hear the voices bouncing off the stone walls and the vaulted ceiling. Sane voices, speaking in such reasonable tones that they stood out in immense contrast with the crazed murmurs around me. As I realized the voices were coming closer and closer to my cell, I quickly changed back into Sirius Black.

Instantaneously, the terror and fear that had been subdued as a dog fell in waves over me.

_It hadn't been a good day. There was something in the air, something that you could just feel. Something big was coming, something bad, and it was coming fast. I watched the sky turn purplish as the sun set. Sighing I turned away from the window to the bright warm sitting room I was in. The house in Godric's Hollow seemed immune to the bad vibes in the air. The entire house smelled of freshly baked cookies due to the plate of the desserts on the coffee table set in the middle of the sitting room._

_A warm fire lit in the hearth kept the cold October night out. I could hear happy voices coming from the other room. I tiredly sat down in a squashy arm chair and listened to the cheery voices of my best friends. The Dark Lord was getting stronger. For some inexplicable reason he was after James and his family. Although I had questioned Dumbledore repeatedly about it, he just said that it wasn't my time to know. The old wizard was becoming more and more secretive daily, it became increasingly hard to get a straight answer form him. All I knew was that James and his family was in trouble. All I knew that if anything happened to them, I would go insane. I couldn't picture my life without James' laugh, or Lily's soft knowing smile, or Harry's beaming face. Outside the window, I could see little children dressed up in their costumes, going from house to house asking for candy. It was Harry's second Halloween. _

_As my thoughts strayed to the war that was being waged outside of Godric's Hollow, I small child wobbled into the room, giggling maniacally. With bright eyes and a sharp laugh, he ran unsteadily to me yelling "SI SI!" I smiled and got down to crouch before pulling the boy into my arms and lifting my godson over my head, spinning him. He laughed like a maniac again, sending a goblet of drool onto my face. _

"_ERRGH! Harry, you did that on purpose didn't you?" I said feigning anger as switched Harry's weight on to my right arm and wiped the drool off my check, the toddler just laughed in my arms. I smiled and set him down on the ground. I watched as Harry explored the room, shuffling his little feet. At one point, he scuffed a fold in the thick carpet, toppled over and began to cry. In an instant I had picked him up and shushed him, swaying softly, burying my face into his soft dark hair. _

"_You'll make a fantastic father you know that?" can a soft knowing voice. I looked up to see a beautiful woman leaning on the door frame and gazing down on me happily, a soft smile playing at her lips. The woman had dark red hair that hung down from a hastily done bun, there were deep shadows under her bright green eyes, her clothes were rumpled but she looked extremely content in that moment. _

"_Jeez Lily, you look like a train wreck!" I smirked. Glaring, she pulled Harry into her arms and gave me a sharp punch._

"_Owww! Man Lil, you really pack a punch…" I said, rubbing my arm ruefully. She just gave me a smile that had a touch of sarcasm._

"_What's going on in here?" asked a bemused James as he took in Harry laughing, me rubbing my arm, and Lily smirking at it all._

"_Your wife is abusing me!" I whimpered, pulling out my famous puppy dog eyes. James just rolled his eyes and chuckled. _

"_Whatever you did, you probably deserved in." said my best friend grinning at me before turning to his wife, pulling her and his son into an embrace and planting a kiss on both of their heads. I smiled happily at the sight. Everyone wanted what James and Lily had. They had the love that was worth fighting for. It had been a rocky start for the two of them; it had definitely not been love at first sight (well maybe for James). It took years, but James had somehow managed to squeeze his way into Lily's heart. They were so different, yet despite that, they loved each other. Even in these dark times, they could still share a laugh and a smile. Maybe they weren't soul mates, but they had each other, and that's what mattered. And now they had Harry, and I honestly couldn't be happier for them._

_We sat and talked for a couple of hours while taking turns entertaining Harry. It was a happy time and for a couple minutes I almost thought everything would be okay if it could just stay like this. I began to say by goodbyes when Harry began to yawn and rub his eyes sleepily. _

"_God you wouldn't believe how dull this hiding thing is Padfoot…" said James, stretching his arms and giving a huge yawn as he lead me to the door. _

_I gave him a stern glance. "You know that it's for your own good?" I said worriedly "it's not exactly a skip in the meadow out there…"_

"_I know, I know" retorted James bitterly "It's just extremely upsetting that my best mates are risking their necks for me every day, while I just sit here like a coward." He hung his head dejectedly. I frowned, and put a hand on his shoulder, so he'd look up at me._

"_Hey, don't do that to yourself. It's not your fault, and I hope you know that no one thinks you're a coward. Just stay safe James…" I said sternly before stepping out into the brisk fall night and walking quickly away from my best friend._

_I wish I had known that was the last time I would ever see him again._

_I flew my bike to Peter's house before turning in for the night. The last thing I needed was a nagging feeling of guilt that I hadn't visited him in a while. I had decided to make him James and Lily's secret keeper because Peter would never be suspected of something so important. It only took about a half an hour to reach his flat on my motorcycle. Walking up the path I knocked on the rapped on the door confidently. The door creaked open. That was strange… sure Peter was daft, but he wouldn't be so carless as to leave the door unlocked. _

"_Peter?" I called out into the dark flat. No answer…. "Hello? Anyone home? PETER?" That was especially strange. My mind raced. Had he been attacked? Had the Death Eaters figured out our little switch and taken him captive. But no, that didn't make sense…. It didn't look as though a fight had taken place in the little room, everything was in order. _

_Unless…_

_My blood ran cold. Without a second thought, I ran out of the flat at a sprint. Hopping on my motorcycle, I revved the engine and took off into the inky night sky. _

_My motorcycle touched down in James' yard as the moon began to rise. I froze. The cottage that had been completely intact just an hour prior lay in shambles. The backside had been completely blown off, leaving three walls teetering. The roof had collapsed in on the second floor. All the windows were smashed and the front door was knocked off its hinges. The entire structure was smoldering as if it had been set on fire._

_This wasn't right, it couldn't be true…. How could it have been true when James' house was protected by Peter's vow? It couldn't have happened unless… unless Peter was a spy, unless he was a Death Eater and was working with Voldemort…. But this was PETER for Christ sakes! Peter, who followed James around like a sick puppy, who idolized James and caused his ego to expand at the speed of light. There was no way Peter had betrayed James, yet here was the proof that he had. I stumbled forward uncertainly to the front door, or where it had once been. The inside of the house looked like a tornado had hit it. Furniture lay toppled all over the place, a bookcase was leaning against the overturned couch, books spilt all over the floor. With a cautious step forward I made my way into the dilapidated house. _

_I took another timid step forward and jumped when my foot crunched down on something on the ground. Looking down I realized I had stepped on a picture frame and cracked the glass. I picked up the frame and brushed off the dirt to get a better look at it. It was the picture of the four of us in our fifth year, arms slung around each other, laughing at the camera. It was the very same one I had stuck to the wall in my room. It was the day Lily had slapped James so hard he landed on his arse and just stood there staring at her shocked. It was the day Remus laughed so hard at James' expression, he was literally rolling on the ground. It was the day that was spent lazily by the lake wasting away carefree hours that we could never get back. But we were young and we didn't know how to cherish those moments._

_The house was dark, and picking my way through the debris was a difficult task. I stepped over various chairs, tables, all broken and heaped. I could feel my heartbeat drumming under my skin. A cold sweat had started at the base of my neck. I was worried, where was Lily and James? Where was anybody for that matter?_

"_JAMES! LILLLLYYY?" I called out into the oppressive silence, but I got no return. I swallowed the lump in my throat and continued forward. _

_My heart stopped when I got to the stair well. _

_There was James, laying on his back, head plunging down the stairs. His foot had gotten hooked between two of the thin columns holding up the banister. His warm brown eyes were set in a determined glare, yet the life behind them was gone. His glasses lay askew across his face, only emphasizing the cold and emptiness of his expression. _

_He was dead. _

_I fell to the ground, my knees dug into a pile of broken glass, but my mind barely registered the pain. My whole body was trembling; no matter what I did I couldn't stop it. James was dead._

_How could he be…dead?_

_This wasn't right. It couldn't be true… maybe; maybe if I found Lily, she could fix it. Lily was the cleverest witch in my year; surely she would know what to do. With careful actions, I climbed the stairs around James' lifeless form. "LILY! LILY COME QUICK!" I shouted frantically. _

_The master bedroom was perfectly untouched which I found very strange considering the condition of the rest of the house. The bed was neatly made (most likely Lily's doing, seeing as James was such a slob in school) and night clothes were neatly laid out on the king sized bed. I glanced at the clock on one of the bedside tables. It was stopped at 6:35pm. Considering my watch said it was 8:00 at night, and Lily's bed clothes looked untouched, my mind knew something dreadful had happened to her as well. I pushed back the worst of the thoughts that immediately came and continued to search the rest of the top floor. The floor boards creaked ominously under my feet, but I kept moving. Lily had to be here somewhere. The guest room was empty, as was the bathroom. _

_Finally, the only room lay unchecked was Harry's. I slowly made my way to the toddler's room, passing under cracked ceiling beams that had come crashing through the roof. My feet crunched broken shingles that littered the ground. I pushed the door opened with a loud creak. Harry's room was the worst I had seen. His bedroom lay in the back corner of the house. The entire back wall had been blown away. The left wall was crumpled and falling apart. Every window was smashed. The ground was covered in broken chunks of wood, glass, and odd bits of toys. _

_The first thing I noticed was the mobile Remus had given him when he was born. The mobile was amazing. It twirled and whirled around like it had a life of its own. It issued soft relaxing music and sparkled when it hit light. It was made of sturdy wood from which hung metal animals depicting dogs, wolves, rats, does, and stags. Harry loved it. The mobile lay on the ground, the wood was broken in bits and the animals were all dented. With trembling fingers, I picked up the decrepitated toy. The stag and the doe were coming loose and without thinking about it I just stuffed the two figurines into my pocket_

_Moving slowly forward I noticed Harry's dresser lay toppled, under which was a sheet of red. My voice stuck it my throat but somehow I found the strength to faintly issue a small "Lily?" I ran to the dresser, pulling it off of the lifeless body of Lilly Evans Potter. "Lily? LILLY!" I cried, frantically rolling her on to her back and brushing her long red hair from her startled face. The green eyes that we had all fallen in love with were glassy and unseeing. _

_I backed away from her body, horrified. Gripping the wall for support I tried to stop my knees from quaking underneath me. My lip trembled, I was falling apart. A soft cry issued from the corner of the room. My heart raced. Could it be possible that someone was still alive? I nearly tripped in my haste to make it to the corner of the room. The sound was coming from Harry's crib! It was buried under a large chunk of plaster from the ceiling. With new found strength, I heaved the plaster off the crib. With a frantic 'Lumos' my wand illuminated, shedding light on the frightened toddler who immediately burst into tears when he saw me. Something broke within me at the sound of his cries that were so innocent and pure. I picked him up and attempted to sooth him, but no one was there to sooth me. My whole life was falling apart, my best friends were dead… my best friends were dead…. And here I was holding their orphaned son in their destroyed house. _

_Together Harry and I sat on his bedroom floor surrounded by his broken life. I regained some of my composure after a few minutes, to pull the one year old away from where he had been clinging to my shirt. I sat him in my lap and scrutinized his little face, the face that so resembled his father. His little glasses emphasized his bright green eyes that were wet with tears. I carefully wiped them away with my thumb. Harry had resorted to anguished burbling, rubbing his forehead with his little hands. Fearing the little boy had been hurt by whatever had exploded in his house, I pushed back his ebony hair and gasped. A peculiar gash tore through the skin on his forehead in the shape of a lightning bolt. I knew enough from studying with Remus that this was a scar caused by a curse. But who would curse a toddler? _

_Voldemort. _

_Voldemort had come and killed… he had killed James and Lily, and tried to do the same to little Harry, but something had stopped him. I knew that James' family had been in trouble. Maybe that had something to do with Harry. Could Harry been the reason why James and Lily had to go into hiding? That has to have been it. There was something about the little boy that must have scared Voldemort out of his wits to make a personal appearance. Whatever it was I'm glad it was there. I hugged the last remaining Potter to my chest and rocked back and forth as the little boy cried into the night._

_I don't know how long we stayed like that, maybe it was an hour, maybe it was only a couple a minutes, but soon I felt a splash of water on the top of my head. I looked up to see one Rubeus Hagrid, glancing around the room with puffy red eyes and a tear stained face. _

"'_Ey there Sirius.." he blubbered. I got up shakily, still holding Harry who had long ago fallen asleep in my arms. _

"_Hi Hagrid." I said my voice cracking. _

"'_ve come to pick Harry up and bring him to his 'unts house…" said the giant sadly. Pick up Harry? Something wasn't clicking in my mind. Why would he bring Harry to his Aunt's house? James and Lily made me Harry's godfather so that if they died, Harry would be raised by me. "Come on Sirius, give 'im 'ere."he said, holding out his arms. But I couldn't give him Harry. He was my Godson. I held on tighter to the little boy and turned slightly so my body was shielding his. _

"_I can't let you take him Hagrid. He's my Godson…." I said defensively. _

"_Sirius, its Dumbledore's orders, 'm sorry mate, I truly am." He said sadly, pulling the boy away. I wanted to tell him he was wrong, that Harry was safe with me… but was he? Dumbledore wanted him to go to his Aunt's house, well maybe he should. I didn't have much fight in me left when Hagrid took the toddler away._

_Without Harry, I felt like the life had drained from my body. He was the one bright spot that I still had and he wasn't mine. "At least take my motorcycle, would you Hagrid, I don't need it anymore" I said sadly_

"_Alrigh' if you insist Sirius…" he said confused. With that, the huge man wrapped Harry up in a little bundle, put him in his basket with a lot of pillows and blankets and set off, leaving me surrounded by the bodies of my two best friends._

I shivered involuntarily as the door to my cell creaked open and in walked Cornelius Fudge, Minister of Magic. He gave me a scathing look before taking a seat on my bed. I leaned back against the opposite wall and glared at him.

"Hello Sirius." said Fudge trying to act casual as wails rang out around us.

"Fudge." I said bowing my head in greeting

"How has your stay been here?" he asked. I wanted to laugh. He must have been investigating the conditions of the prisons. It was something he was required to do at least once a year but I'd only seen him once maybe twice in all the time I was here. Also he asked it as if I were staying in a five star resort complete with a waffle bar. Haw was my _stay_? Oh yes, it's excellent, the food is simply exquisite!

"Well, I can't complain…" I answered sarcastically as a dementor hovered past ominously. I took pleasure in the fact that I cause Fudge to shiver involuntarily.

He nodded before adding "Well if that's all then I must be going, if you have any questions or complaints feel free to express them to me know." he said already making his way to the door. Wow, that was thorough. One question seemed to be all he needed to pass the prison for inspection.

"Wait!" I said noticing something "would you mind if I had your paper if you're done with it?" I was desperate for some information from the outside world; I hadn't had any for the past 12 years. Fudge gave me a look but he passed his paper to me all the same. I thanked him and he left. My eyes hungrily scanned the front page and that's when I saw him. A rat, on the front page was missing a toe. My heart skipped a beat. Was it really that simple? There he was, just sitting there as a family pet? It was so… fitting… I scanned the subscript, he's at Hogwarts….

He's at Hogwarts…


	3. Chapter 3

He's at Hogwarts.

I hung one to that fact like a life line. Now, more than ever before, I wanted out. I was done sitting around like I had for the past 12 years and now I had a reason to leave. Before, I had nothing. I was too humiliated to face Harry after what happened, and Remus was sure to despise me just like all the others had. But now, now I had a lead, a way to search Peter out. If I could just find him, I could prove what really happened that Halloween night so long ago, I could avenge James and Lily, I could be free...

I scrutinized the paper in front of me. The front page had a picture of a large, happy family, smiling and waving vigorously at the camera. I recognized the father, Arthur Weasley, he had been in the year below me. We weren't exactly close, but we shared a fondness for muggle automobiles so we had always had something to talk about. The woman on the other side of Arthur I assumed was his wife. She looked vaguely familiar and I was so sure I had seen her before. After a couple of minutes of thinking, I remembered. It was Molly Prewett! Good old Molly. I remembered her as a bubbly happy girl who was always able to make people feel better. She was pretty good tempered and when she was a first year prefect and when I was a seventh year, she let James and I off numerous times when she caught us doing a prank. I was pleased that she looked happy and healthy in the picture. When she was younger she had been awfully skinny, and Pomfrey would have weekly fits over the girl's diet. Molly had always been cheerful and kind, in fact there was only one time I could remember her being unhappy.

_The window showed the sky painted with fiery colors as the sun began to set outside the Gryffindor common room. The four of us sat around our usual table near the hearth, doing our homework. Well attempting to do our homework. Remus was the only one actually focusing. I looked sideways at the werewolf who sat across the table from me, working diligently at translating a slew of runes, scribbling away on a sheet of parchment. I looked down at my own blank piece of parchment that had been sitting in front of me for the past half hour. Glancing up at Remus and them back to my paper, an idea popped into my head. Taking a scrap of paper from the center of the table, I rolled it into a miniscule ball and flicked it towards Remus. It hit his book and bounced off, landing on the ground. Sure it wasn't the best prank... it wasn't really a prank at all... it couldn't even be considered Marauder worthy but I was so bored! I made about fifteen of the little balls, and then charmed them so they'd fly around Remus' head, bouncing off of his hair ever so often. I smirked at the annoyed expression forming on the tawny haired boy's face as he tried his hardest to keep his train of thought. _

_ "Cut it out, Sirius." Remus said sternly without looking up from his sixth year Ancient Runes text._

_ "What if I don't want to?" I answered annoyingly with a smirk. I know I shouldn't take this much joy in other people's annoyance, but I couldn't help it._

_ Without a word, or even a glance Remus raised his wand and articulated the correct word to send the balls falling to the ground, completely motionless. I flopped back in by chair glaring at Remus (which he didn't even notice) before looking at the rest of my fellow table mates. James had long ago put his head down on the table and was now snoring softly into his potions essay about Felix Felicis that I was supposed to be working on. Peter, with his brow furrowed looked completely lost as he scanned the same page over and over in his Charms textbook. I knew James would hex me if I ever woke him up from past experience; Remus would just ignore me, and the thought of helping Peter with Charms made me gag. Sighing, I pushed my chair away from the table and got up._

_ "I'm going out for a walk…don't wait up." I vocalized into the boring silence that was my friends. No one answered, not that I was expecting any. _

_The corridors were void of all students as it was only about an hour before curfew but that didn't bother me. I didn't have James' cloak which would have been nice, but I had stuffed the map in my pocket before I left so I could see beforehand if there were any late wandering teachers, or worse, Peeves. With my right hand trailing the wall, I whistled a tune that had been stuck in my head for days. I think it was… uhhh blackbird by the Beatles? In any case it was very catchy with a nice melody. Bloody muggle music… _

_Over the years, Hogwarts had become somewhat of a safe haven for me away from my family. I stayed here as much as possible, and wished to god that I could stay here over summer break, but I was never permitted. I had been toying with the idea of leaving my family, for good for some time now, but I was still young. I didn't have a way of supporting myself just yet. I smiled grimly to myself. I would never have to see their cruel pinched faces ever again, never have to sit through another one of those god awful dinners, or have to listen about how muggle-borns are filthy creatures or how Lord Voldemort should take over. I'd never be the target of their anger… All of it could end if I could just…leave…_

_As I was thinking I wasn't really paying attention to where I was going in the school. The four of us all knew the castle like the back of our hand. I soon found myself in one of my favorite corridors. It was near one of the secret passageways that lead to the forbidden forest. The hall on the west wing of the first floor was mostly untraveled as there weren't many classes held on this part of the school. I usually came here when I needed to think, or when Peter became to annoying to stand, or I was bored as was the case at the moment. Going around the corner, I was startled to find I wasn't the only occupant of the corridor. A small fourth year lay huddled near the end of the hall in the corridor. The girl had her head buried into her hands, crying her eyes out. The sounds coming from her would make any heart break. I immediately recognized her as one of the Gryffindor fourth years by the name of Molly Prewett. Her older brothers Gideon and Fabian were a year above me, and both were fantastic quidditch players. Not exactly sure what to do, I was stuck in an awkward situation. Molly had heard me coming and had looked up, it hadn't stopped her crying, but now she knew I was there. I looked around helplessly for an escape, but I knew I had to stay. Sighing uncomfortable I moved to sit next to her and put my arm awkwardly around her shaking shoulders as she continued to sob into her hands. _

"_There there…." I attempted at a soothing tone. And that's how we sat for the next couple of minutes as she calmed herself down. Sitting next to her, I realized how thin she really was. Her skinny wrists stuck out from where her sweater couldn't gain hold on her body, sliding down to her elbows. I could feel her ribs pressing into my side. When she finally looked up at me, sniffling and wiping her nose and tear stained face, I could see how painfully apparent the bones on her face were. Dark circles were under her eyes and her skin took on a strange greenish pallor. _

"_I-I'm s-s-sorry…" she gulped, rubbing her eyes with the heel of her palm. She just looked so depressed and tired, I wanted to help but I hadn't a clue on how I would even attempt to start. _

"_What's up Molly?" I uttered nervously. The Auburn haired girl looked at me nervously, I'm pretty sure this was just a really uncomfortable situation for the both of us._

"_It's nothing… I just feel a bit… sick…" she said tiredly. Sick, I could work with sick; I knew what to do if you were sick._

"_Hey, you know I could help you to the hospital wing if you'd like, you look like you could do with some medi-magic." I said, helping her up from the floor. And she really did, it looked like she was turning paler as I talked._

"_Oh no, I couldn't. I don't need the hospital wing." she exclaimed taking a step back from me.  
"Are you sure?" I questioned when she wobbled slightly as she turned around to go back down the hall way. She was visibly swaying as she walked._

"_I'm fine" she began to utter, right before her eyes rolled back and she collapsed. Surging forwards, I caught her before she hit the ground._

"_Molly? Molly, come on Molly! Molly?" I said worriedly, shaking her gently. With no other choice, I hefted her into my arms, carrying her bridal style before taking of at a jog to the hospital room. She was light, too light and that only added urgency to the pace at which I moved. _

"_Is she going to be ok?" I asked nervously as Madame Pomfrey hovered over the still form of Molly Prewett, attaching an IV to her inner arm._

"_Quite, Mr. Black, she just has a nutrition deficit. God knows, she hasn't been getting enough food lately. I was utterly bamboozled. How could she not be getting enough food? The house elves made the most wonderful meals every day. "I'm afraid Ms. Prewett has an eating disorder, she chooses not to eat." Madame Pomfrey added at my obvious puzzlement. _

"_Now run along, I'm very busy right now Mr. Black." shooed the nurse as she herded me to the door before I could ask another question. While I was still confused as to why anyone would decide not to eat, I didn't push it. Sure enough, Molly had returned the next day. She looked grumpy with her friends hanging over her shoulders begging her to eat, but I was just glad relived she was ok. _

Thinking back, I laughed a bit on how useless I was. I really didn't have a clue on what was going on, I'm just glad it all turned out ok. Taking a look at Molly's beaming face from the front page it seemed like the girl had finally gotten past her demons that had hounded her as a teenager. I was so very proud of her. Examining the paper closely, I counted seven Weasley children. The one with Peter on his shoulder looked to be about thirteen, which was about as old Harry should be now. With a jolt I realized the date on the paper. July 31, 1993. It was Harry's thirteenth birthday, he was a teenager. I had missed the better part of his life, all the important milestones. He had grown up under the care of his Aunt and Uncle and was separated from the Wizarding World. Overwhelmed with remorse and regret I pushed away the thoughts of Harry growing up in a muggle town, all alone. Not even Lupin had been allowed to visit him. That must have killed him, not being able to watch James' son grow up as it was doing to me. But that didn't matter anymore, what's done was done. I was moving on. I was going to find Peter and avenge James and Lily. I was going to see Harry again.

I was breaking out of Azkaban, and I was doing it tonight.


End file.
